New date

Linda's date was changed today in case conference. They moved it up to Friday 5/28. The rationale was that with Monday being a holiday, there wasn't going to be that much therapy after that Friday anyway, and we might as well come home early. Linda is pleased I think, although she is going to miss the people here too.

I'm disappointed. At first I was just surprised, but I am disappointed. When you are doing therapy, you measure every success. Your balance is better than it was last week. You can reach the bar next to the toilet with both hands now when just a few days ago it was only your right arm that was strong enough. You can move faster and more precisely than the last time we measured.

But for going home, you note what you can't do. You can't walk safely alone even with a walker. You can't go to the bathroom alone. You can't eat without someone to cut up everything first. You can't get a drink for yourself. You can't be understood on the phone to call for help. And you can't get up if you fall. You can't even crawl.

I have to think about how things will work. When I take Ellie to day care, I will have to dress Linda and bring her too, or I have to have someone stay with her. Both are things you can do, but I had hoped that Linda would be able to be just one tiny bit independent by the time we came home.

The doc saw me in the hall and asked me what I thought about the new date. I don't have the energy to put on faces, so I told him I was disappointed. He said we can talk about it. But if the date changes now because of me, I will be the villain. So I think it will have to stay.

Just the fact that my opinion alone could change the go-home date is an indication of how messed up it is to be dependent. One person in a marriage should not have total power over the other. It isn't natural.

But it's not like I'll be trapped with her all day long. She'll still do a lot of outpatient therapy, probably every day at first, and I won't always have to be there for it.


Since we are in a morbid mood today... This month is stroke awareness month. Strokes are
the third leading cause of death in the US. They are the leading cause of long-term adult disability. The symptoms (Linda had all) are:

• Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body


• Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding


• Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes


• Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination


• Sudden, severe headache with no known cause

The doctor in Kirksville never once said the word clot to me. He never asked if she was using birth control.

The leading risk factor is high blood pressure, although smoking is also a major risk as well as several diet-related factors. Women with blood clotting disorders may be as much as 30 times as likely to have a stroke on birth control as the general population. According to a recent medical paper on the topic, about 5% of white women have genetic defects of this type.